Those You've Known
by SecretLifeOfAChemNerd
Summary: Whoever said "time heals everything" was an idiot, because sometimes no matter how hard you try the scars just won't fade away.
1. Chapter 1

**I swear I've been possessed with someone who posts all the time! It's so weird for me to put this much stuff up here in such a little amount of time. I guess I just have alot of angst in my life. This story is not supposed to be slash. Not that I have a problem with slash (in fact i LOVE it) but I can't write romance. I think it has something to do with my lack of personal experience. ANYWAY... **

**CONFESSION TIME! I steal story lines from Bones. This is based off of the childhood of everyone's favorite loony bin crazy ass sifter (also known as a psychologist) DR. LANCE SWEETS! I swear I love that boy way more than what is healthy, and Jack Hodgins, but we wouldn't go there. Small hints of Brennan's childhood too, but not as much. CONFESSION NUMBER TWO! I like naming fics after Spring Awakening songs! I think I have a problem. But if you haven't heard the song "Those You've Known" or just any from SA in general go to youtube and look it up because they are absolutely amazing! And I'm going to see it in October and am SO excited! I have to give big thanks to everyone who reviewed my other two BTR stories! This probably wouldn't have gotten finished if it weren't for those fabulous people! LOVE YOU ALL!  
**

**I told myself I wasn't going to sleep until I put this up. I got delayed MANY times! Made some hot kool-aid ("I MADE THIS FOR YOU!") watched How I Met Your Mother with my brother and now here I am! Only my second multi-chapter fic ever! And i have to admit that I didn't really read through this thoroughly so there are probably mistakes! But what can I say? I'm only human! Enjoy! =D  
**

It seemed as though every kid at the Palm Woods was in the pool. The hot sun had taken to burning the city of Los Angeles to a crisp. All a cross the city people were either cooped up inside, air conditioning blasting, or taking refuge at the pool/beach.

The only person in sight who was not taking this opportunity to cool off and splash around with friends was a skinny boy with pale skin and dark hair sitting in the corner of the pool deck buried in a book, his eyes flitting back and forth so fast you wouldn't believe he was drinking in every word.

"Logan, get in the pool!"

The boy looked up to see his friend, James, standing in the shallow end. His usual tidy hair soaking wet and plastered to his face.

"I'm reading!" Logan yelled back, holding up his book as though James needing proof.

"Dude, I will come over there and throw you in!"

Logan just shook his head, chuckling softly. James was usually all talk and no action. Sure, Logan had been thrown in the pool by his friends numerous times, but mostly they just joked about it. He returned to his book, letting the threat pass over his head.

It was a surprise when he felt arms around him, lifting him up off the chair and walking towards the pool. "James, put me down!" He squirmed, trying to break the larger boys hold, but James simply laughed. "I'm serious man! Put me down!"

"Ok!" James immediately dropped him into the clear water below.

The water was cold, but not unpleasant as it surrounded him. His head broke the surface and he gasped, taking in a lung full of air, then his attention turned to a hysterically laughing James, standing on the deck, mere feet from where he was now.

"JAMES!" Logan said angrily as he swam to the side and lifted himself out of the water. His black t-shirt clung to his body and he unstuck it with a small 'pop'.

"I gave you fair warning." James said, holding his hands up defensively. "All you ever do is read. Now we can all have fun together! You should be thanking me."

At that moment Camille walked over, a towel in her hand, and trying to keep a smile off her face. Not that she would ever admit it, but she found the whole incident hilarious. And James was right, Logan spent to much time reading and not enough in the pool with everyone else. Come to think of it Camille couldn't remember one time she had seen Logan swimming.

She held out the towel to him, which he took gratefully, wiping the water out of his eyes. "Thanks Camille. But James, I swear to god, if you ever do that again-"

"Chill down dude. We're just having some fun."

Logan was still visibly upset, but it was fading fast. He could never stay mad at anyone for more than a minute. That's just the kind of guy he was.

"Take your shirt off Logan. You'll be able to dry off before you go into the lobby. Bitters hates it when people drip on the carpet." Camille said, picking up another towel and throwing it at him.

Logan paled slightly and shook his head. "It's fine Camille. I'll just go up now." He walked away briskly, not looking back as he did so.

"What's up with him?"

"I don't know." James frowned slightly as he watched Logan's retreating form and turned back towards the pool.

When it came to Logan sometimes even his best friends were in the dark as to what when on in his head. They had all known each other since first garde and knew practically everything about each other, but there were times when Kendall, James, and Carlos felt Logan was hiding things.

For some reason Logan had an odd aversion to taking his shirt off. Back in Minnesota he had always been first to hockey practice and was dressed and on the ice before anyone else had even shown up. Then after practice he wouldn't change in front of anyone. He always told them that public showers freaked him out, but they had trouble believing him.

It was the same during sleepovers. Logan refused to change in front of them. He would go into the bathroom to change. When they asked him about it he just mumbled that he wasn't comfortable with his shirt off. That's when they started to worry about him, because Logan was a bean pole, and him being "uncomfortable" with his body worried them. They didn't want him to do anything drastic.

Then they moved to California and instead of wanting to spend every day at the ice rink, Carlos, James, and Kendall wanted to spend every free moment in the pool. Despite their best efforts they could not get Logan, willingly, in the pool. He had been thrown or pushed in many times by his friends, but that was always followed by a mini Logan blow up. Then he would run up to their apartment to get into dry clothes.

The first time this happened Bitters stopped and yelled at him for a good ten minutes for dripping all over his lobby and told him he better not do it again.

They kept throwing Logan in the pool though, hoping that he would grow out of his insecurities. Sadly they were proven wrong every time. They waned to help Logan, make him think more highly of himself (he was their best friend after all), but every time they tried to breach the subject Logan would go slightly pale and babble about school or the weather.

James approached Kendall and Carlos, both of whom looked amused. "He leave?" Kendall said. James nodded.

"Yeah, and he's probably getting water all over the lobby and Bitters will yell at him for the millionth time."

"I'm gonna go follow him, make sure he's ok." Kendall stood, placing his sunglasses on the top of his head.

"Why? Logan can't stay mad at people?"

"But he always gets annoyed after Bitters chews him."

They both nodded and Kendall took off towards the lobby. Walking in the building he saw Bitter was behing his desk, screaming into the phone. Kendall exhaled glad, that meant he wasn't giving Logan one of his famous lectures about what water did to carpet. He felt a small wave of relief.

Logan always hated getting yelled at, no matter who was doing the yelling or what it was for. It caused him to flinch and shrink down even smaller than he already was. He looked like a lost kid who needed to be saved.

That's why Kendall was so protective of Logan. He wouldn't ever stand up for himself so Kendall who did it for him. Because that's what Kendall did, he looked after his friends.

He entered the apartment. No one seemed to be home, but then he heard the sound of a dresser door closing coming from his and Logan's room and proceeded to the door. Without thinking Kendall opened the door without knocking or announcing his presence and stopped dead in his tracks.

**OOOooooooo cliffy kinda! XD Hope you enjoyed and please review (it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside)! I will try to update as quickly as possible! Musical and swim practice are kicking my butt currently but I will find the time to update! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY! And thank you for taking time out of your lives to read chapter UNO! =D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hola! I must give HUGE thanks to everyone who review/alerted/favorited this story! You all RULE at life (don't ever let anyone tell you differently)! And Plan Break Out Zack Addy (aka Plan BOZA) was made! Anyone know how to contact Hart Hanson?... yeah didn't think so, I SHALL GOOGLE! But anyways, enjoy chapter two!  
**

If there was one thing Logan Mitchell was good at it was pretending everything was ok. And truthfully, most of the time he was fine, but then there were the days when he couldn't stop the feelings from plaguing him. These were the days he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed, bury himself under the covers, and wallow in self misery. Unfortunately he never got a chance to do that, not since he was little.

Today was one of those days.

Despite being the exact opposite of what he wanted to do, he accompanied his friends down to the Palm Woods pool. He didn't get in of coarse, that would bring up just as many questions as it did answers. So, he took up a lounge chair at the very corner of the deck as far away from the pool as possible with a great book to wait until Carlos, James, and Kendall wore themselves out.

But then James had decided Logan needed to join them. As if his day could get any worse. It wasn't that Logan didn't like water or was afraid of it, but that last thing he needed, on today of all days, was Bitters yelling at him. And then Camille had told him to take off his shirt so he could get dry.

He hadn't handled it well. He let them see he was uncomfortable, which he never tried to do. Logan didn't want his friends to worry about him. That's why he kept so many secrets. In his mind they had enough to worry about. What with recording, dance rehearsals, and hoping beyond hope they didn't fail at this boy band thing Logan could bring himself to add another worry.

There was always something preventing Logan from telling his best friends about his past. Back in Minnesota it had been school and hockey, he told himself he couldn't add to their burdens with the knowledge. He was also afraid of how they would react. He didn't want them to feel sorry for him or look at him with pity filled eyes. It was better this way, better they didn't know.

He managed to avoid Bitter, who was taking on the phone, and dashed for the stairs, not wanting to run into anybody on the elevator.

Apartment 2J was, mercifully, empty. He walked into his and Kendall's shared bedroom, shutting the door behind him, pulling his wet shirt over his head as he did so. It didn't come off easily, the wet cotton wanting to cling to his body.

Walking over to the attached bathroom he threw his wet shirt over the shower rod to dry and proceeded to strip and hang the rest of his wet clothes. Grabbing a towel he dried himself off quickly, running it over his hair.

His gaze shifted to the mirror hanging over the sink. He had always been pale. James often teased that he could be one of the vampires in the books Katie read (He denied ever reading them himself, but Carlos had found a copy under James's bed while cleaning their room). He had dark circles etched under his eyes, product of a sleepless night. Nightmares had kept him up, refusing to let him close his eyes without seeing flashes. He had dozed off a few times, only to awake in a cold swear, gasping for air.

He hated the nightmares more than anything. He could deal with everything else, push it to the back of his mind, but then he would attempt to sleep and get reminded of it all over again. The dreams were always followed by a day of near panic and jumpiness at anyone getting close to him. Over the years he had become better at disguising it, but you couldn't always hide everything. When he was little, he would run into his parent's room crying and they would hug him and let him sleep between them where he felt safe. But that had been years ago, it shouldn't affect him anymore.

Ten years was a long amount of time. But it seemed like the memory you most want to forget is the one that ends up burned into your mind forever. The pains never left, even grew slightly worse with time. The older he got the more he understood, and it made the sorrow do a whole new dance, one he wasn't prepared for. The steps were changed and the tempo different, causing new pain to engulf him, pull him down until he couldn't breath, wondering the same question every time. Why? Maybe there wasn't even an answer, it sickened him and he couldn't help but blame himself. If he blamed himself he didn't have to be the victim, he could be a little kid who deserved what he got, and somehow that was easier to deal with.

Exiting the bathroom he stumbled over to his dresser and began to redress. He threw on a pair of boxers and board shorts, and tossed a shirt onto his bed, closing the dresser door. He was just reaching down to get socks when he heard the door to the room close. He hadn't even heard it open.

Logan whipped around and his mouth went dry, because there was Kendall standing there, eyes wide and mouth hanging open slightly. He immediately grabbed the shirt and pulled it on, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

**Another cliffy? WHAT? *said in my Shawn Spencer voice* Do you love it? Hate it? Wanna kill me? I won't know unless you review! but sorry this is kinda short, I promise the next chapter will be much longer, I just felt I needed to put this in before the big reveal! I will try my hardest to update tomorrow! **

**Hugs and Butterfly Kisses,**

**Your Learning2Fall =D  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**I UPDATED WHEN I SAID I WAS GOING TO! YAY! =D I hope you all enjoy this chapter! It would make me feel ever so much better! Kind of a crappy day, I missed the box on box jumps today at weight for swimming (have a huge bruise on my leg thanks to my uncoordination) and I have a feeling I won't be able to move at all tomorrow. :/ Make it all better with reviews and love? **

Shock. It was consuming his body. Rolling in waves as it crashed, growing, consuming him, causing in a tsunami.

Nothing could have ever prepared him to walk in and see Logan, his best friend, bent over, searching through a door, with his back to him. Now Kendall knew why Logan was always afraid to take his shirt off. Why he had never wanted to talk about it because splayed out a crossed his back were scars. Old scars, long and slightly raised, shining pink against his pale skin. The spacing was random and chaotic. From what Kendall could deduce, it looked as though they had been caused by a whip.

He faintly registered the door shutting behind him. The noise caused Logan to jump and turn around. His face matching Kendall's. He quickly threw on the shirt that was lying on his bed.

For a moment they just stared at each other, each too stunned to speak, until Logan broke the silence.

"How long were you standing there?" He had to work to keep the panic out of his voice, but even then it still shook.

"Long enough." Kendall simply said, still in shock.

Logan bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. He HAD to keep his emotions in check. He wouldn't break down in front of Kendall. He COULDN'T break down in front of Kendall.

Time was passing and Kendall was getting himself under control, the shock was replaced with worry and something else. Anger maybe? Not anger at Logan (although a tiny part of his brain was telling him he should be somewhat mad that Logan had kept such a big secret from them), but anger at whoever had done this to him. Whoever had hurt him.

Then came guilt. Kendall protected his friends. That's how it had always been. What had he overlooked? What signs had he ignored that hinted at what his friend was going through. Could he have stopped this if only he had been a little more observant?

With every second that ticked by Kendall was growing more and more anxious. You could practically taste the tension in the air as Logan was taking care to look anywhere but at Kendall.

"Logan?" Kendall spoke, eyeing his friend nervously. Logan's eyes shot up and brown met green. In that moment Kendall wanted nothing more then to just hug him and make all the pain go away. He looked so hurt, and lost, and just fucking broken that Kendall couldn't stand it. He didn't care that boys weren't supposed to hug or get all mushy, because at this moment Logan needed help, he needed him. "What happened?"

"I can't." His voice was nothing more than a squeak, but Kendall heard in the dead silence of the room. "I can't. I can't do it."

"Logan, you're telling me!" Kendall had to know, had to protect him. "You have too. I'm not giving you an option."

Logan looked away again, staring at the floor. He knew there was no getting out of this. When Kendall Knight set his mind on something he didn't quit till he had all the information. He was going to have to tell Kendall everything, drag up all the memories he tried his best to repress, remember the words that had scared him worse than the marks on his body.

"Its-" He was grappling with words, but none seemed to fit his fucked up situation "complicated." When Kendall just looked at him expectantly, Logan took a deep breath. "You might want to sit down, this could take awhile."

Every chance he had ever had to tell his friends was slapping him in the face. This wasn't the way Kendall needed to find out. He had had so many opportunities to bring them down gently. Now Kendall was being pushed off the edge with Logan. No parachute. No chance of survival. Logan knew when they both resurfaced they would be different, burdened with a truth he had tried to hide. A truth he had hidden from himself. Everything was about to come pouring out, and Logan didn't think he was ready for it.

But shouldn't he be ready? It all happened over ten years ago. He should have dealt with it better, should have been able to move on. He remembered his therapist when he was little, Dr. Sweets, telling his parents in hushed voices that he didn't think he was coping, that he wasn't allowing himself to feel the pain, that one day it would all explode out of him. He had a foreboding sense that today was the day.

Kendall moved slowly over and they both sat tentatively on Logan's bed. Kendall didn't know what to think, didn't know how he should feel. His head was telling him to stay strong for Logan, that his friend needed him, but at the same time he didn't know anything, so he didn't have an inkling of how he should be acting.

"You know how I was adopted?" Logan asked finally, finding the courage to speak.

Kendall nodded. Mr. And Mrs. Mitchell had adopted Logan when he was six years old. He had been placed in the same first grade class as him, Carlos, and James. That's where it all started. "And you know how they're kind of older than most peoples parents are?" Again Kendall nodded. He and the other guys all thought it was weird hat Logan's parents were well into their sixties, but never said anything because Logan got very defensive of them.

"They were too old for traditional adoption, but they cut some slack for the special needs kids because they're so hard to place."

"Special needs?" Kendall said mouth going dry and with a growing sense of dread in his chest. "What do you mean by 'special needs'?"

Logan gulped and closed his eyes briefly, preparing himself to be thrown over the edge, dragging Kendall with him.

"It means that they're the kids who've had it tough. The kids who've been through hell." He opened his eyes to see Kendall's face of horror and pity, it made him sick just looking at it, knowing he was causing that.

He was shaking, memories slapping and stinging like a white hit iron to his skin. "That used to be me Kendall. I was one of those kids."

**I think I need angst rehab. Can you believe there was a time when I wouldn't write depressing stuff? Those were the days baby! And sorry I'm leaving you hanging again! I really can't help it! SIDE NOTE! Anyone else totally in love with the band Heffron Drive? If you don't know who they are go look them up! One of everyone's favorite boys is a member (KENDALL!) =D Thanks for reading and please review! LOVE YA ALL! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Has anyone ever told you guys that you're awesome? Probably, but I'll do it again anyway! YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME! I love you all! Seriously I can't believe all the amazing feedback I've been getting on this! It makes my heart soar! =D My iPod was being not as mystically psychic as it usually is today. I had in on shuffle while typing this and it kept playing All Time Low and Blink-182, who I love, but defiantly not appropriate angst writing music. On that note you might possibly choke on all the angst in this chapter. I was originally going to post this tomorrow, but then I remembered BONES season finale is on and I'm likely to spend the whole day geeking out about it! So here is chapter 4, were hopefully many questions will be answered! =D**

Logan REALLY disliked talking about his past. Anything before the age of six was painful to recall. It was behind them, why couldn't everyone move on and forget about it? The trouble is that the past kept creeping in his mind, playing over and over again like some sick movie every time he let his guard down, even for a second. So that's why sitting on his bed, with Kendall staring at him waiting to hear a story that would change everything was Logan's worst nightmare.

"My parents," He said, voice shaking "my biological parents, they didn't want me. I still have no idea who they are. Why they did it." He closed his eyes for a moment to stop the wave of emotion, of worthlessness that consumed him. He wouldn't cry. He was stronger than that.

"I got put in the system. I don't really remember most of the homes, just flashes. I remember moving. That was always the hardest part. Getting up and leaving everything behind, having to start at a new school, make new friends and I was never outgoing so I kept to myself mostly. It was never something I got used to." Logan took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for the crash.

He detached himself from his emotions, praying it would make this easier. If he couldn't feel anything than what was the worst that could happen? This is what he did. He blocked the pain. It was his only option. "But then about two months after I turned five I was sent to the-the Johnson's." The name was fire on his tongue, causing a hatred rise within him, and for a second he was relieved because he felt something other than pain. "Julie and Kyle Johnson. They were ok at first, not any different than any other homes I had been in, but then one day I was helping Kyle do the dishes, and he warned me that if I broke one I would get in trouble. I tried so hard, but the water was so hot and the soap was slippery and I was only five!" His breath caught in his throat and he had to mentally remind himself how to breath. When he continued, his voice was higher than normal "They locked me in the trunk of the car. For an entire day they just left me in there. I thought I was going to die."

Kendall couldn't stand to see Logan looking so helpless, clearly trying not to cry and breathing getting harder to manage, and he knew it was only going to get worse. He reached out and placed his hand on Logan's shoulder, wanting to comfort his friend, but at a loss how to. He didn't want to make the experience any worse than it already was and he wasn't sure what Logan needed. He felt like he was failing him.

Unexpectedly a dry sob broke through Logan's chest at the contact, but he didn't allow tears to fall."Sorry," Logan said when he was able to speak again, because Logan would be the one apologizing for showing a small sign of how much this was affecting him. "It's just hard to talk about."

"It's ok Logan. You don't have to apologize." Kendall said in what he hoped was a soothing voice, but it came out too squeaky. "Just take your time."

A minute of silence hung in the air as Logan composed himself to go on.

'Thanks." He said before taking one last deep breath. "I guess you could say it got worse from there. I would do little things wrong and Kyle would yell at me, hell, sometimes he would just yell for no reason at all. I couldn't understand why he was yelling. I hadn't even done anything! I just wanted it to stop." Another dry sob ripped through his chest on the last word, causing Kendall to wince. This couldn't have happened, not to someone like Logan, not when he was so young. "But he never stopped, and then I-I came home from school one day and he was standing there waiting for me when I opened the door."

He was so close to losing it, to breaking down and not caring if Kendall saw or not. It was his first time telling someone in ten years. How did he think he was going to react? He wanted to stay in check, be a stone and shut away the pain, but the more he struggled the harder it was becoming. But still was the though that he couldn't do so in front of Kendall. He wouldn't let his friend see how much it was really affecting him. He wouldn't make it any harder for him.

"We were watching the neighbors dog while they were out of town and I had accidentally left the back door open that morning and he got out. I didn't mean to! I tried to pull it all the way shut, but the door was heavy and I wasn't strong enough and I was to afraid to ask because I didn't want to get yelled out." Logan sniffed and Kendall felt his heart break.

He felt worthless that he could do nothing to comfort Logan who was literally falling to pieces before his eyes.. He wanted to make all the pain vanish and make it so Logan never had to experience hurt and abandonment again. Kendall protected his friends when they weren't strong enough to do it themselves. Now all he could do was sit and watch because he couldn't protect Logan from his past, and it made him feel sick.

"He said I had to learn my lesson. That I wouldn't ever learn if I didn't get punished." Kendall stared in horror as Logan squeezed his eyes together, trying to block the pain that was inevitable. "He took me down to the basement and told me to get on my knees and take my shirt off. He-he was rummaging in the closet and the next thing I know he was hitting me. I still don't know what it was, but it was long and felt like some sort of cable. And I was crying, begging him to stop! But he just kept saying I had to learn my lesson!" He looked at Kendall seeing the horror and pity, knowing his own eyes held everything he couldn't say out loud. How the blood had run down his back, staining the floor with bright red streaks. How he hadn't been able to move properly for days after. How he would still wake up sweating from nightmares, swearing he had just been crying out for him to just stop, because he was numb and couldn't even feel the blows anymore.

And from the way Kendall pulled him into a broke breaking hug, he knew he understood.

**Poor Logie :( Hmmmm, I'm really not sure how I feel about this. It's not as epic as I would have liked it to be, but it is what is it. So what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know! Reviews make my world go round! I'll try to update soon, hopefully by Saturday! LOVE YOU ALL!**


	5. Chapter 5

**You'll never guess who i got to see this morning! Go ahead guess! You guess yet? GOOD! Because I bet it was wrong =) I got to see BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY! My friends and I literally woke up at eight on a Saturday morning so we could go see him. If that dosen't scream that I have no life I don't know what else does. We also made posters! My friend Brent made one that said "Bill Nye is MY Science Guy!" and he looked right at it! It kind of made my life. And now I have to go get ready for my Indian Baby's Sweet Sixteen which starts in 30 minutes. YAY for speed getting ready! **

**And speaking of dorky things anyone watch Bones on thursday? I LOVED it! And I have to say I love Sweets but he needs to shave. I don't like the facial hair look on him, but othet than that it was AMAZING! But enjoy this chapter and REVIEW PLEASE! They make me happy and full of joy! =D**

"So how'd you get out?"

An immeasurable amount of time had passed, punctuated by nothing but weak whimpers from Logan and whispered reassurance that everything would be ok. Logan had somehow managed to get his emotions under control. To Kendall it felt like they were there for days, but according to the clock on the bedside table it had only been ten minutes.

"For a long time I didn't. I was stuck in that house for months after that first time. And it never got any better. If anything it was worse. The-the beatings," he said knowing that world didn't adequately describe the situation, but not able to think of anything better. "they happened more often. I wouldn't even have healed from the last and he would break them open again." Logan took a deep breath to block the painful memories before continuing "It was my teacher who finally noticed something. She held me back after class one day and asked of anything was wrong, but of coarse I lied. I was scared. I didn't know there was another way."

His eyes were pleading with Kendall to understand why he hadn't acted, hadn't saved himself. He had been so young, so naive to think that the only way to go through life was the way he had been living.

"But then we were in gym and I tripped while doing jump rope. He had just done it the night before and they started bleeding again." He bit his bottom lip, studying his hand in his lap. "I thought my teacher was going to have a heart attack when they lifted my shirt up. Next thing I know I'm in the hospital and my social worker is there. But then a few weeks later I got adopted. My parents, they-they saved my life. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be who I am today."

"They're great people Logan." Kendall said, still horrified that Logan had been through so much and hid it so well. "You're a great person. It's, It's just so unfair! How could this have happened to you? What did you ever do to deserve it?"

"I stopped trying to figure that out a long time ago."

"Tell me they're in jail." Kendall said, the anger for Logan's foster parents flared "tell me they got them."

"They got them. Well, they got Kyle. Julie, she never did anything to me and from what I've been able to find out from the court case he would beat and rape her on a regular basis."

A horrible thought came to Kendall's mind. "He didn't..." He asked, barely above a whisper; not able to finished the sentence because it couldn't be true.

"No." Kendall let out a sigh of relief. At least one part of Logan could be left innocent. "No, it never got that far."

"Why didn't you tell us?" That was the question Logan had been waiting too here. People often believed that if you didn't share your deepest darkest secrets with them it was because you didn't trust them enough. But Logan trusted his friends, trusted them so fully it was unbelievable. He knew that they wouldn't tell a soul if he asked them too. But this wasn't about trust. It was about fear.

Fear was a blinding emotion that could make you act like someone you're not. It could make a shy man stand up ready to fight and a self-proclaimed warrior lay down his shield and run. For Logan it paralyzed him, his brain tearing at the fight or flight instinct.

"I was afraid." He said, stating the only thing he knew for sure.

"Of what?" Kendall's voice wasn't harsh, it was soft and full of sympathy, like it was breaking his heart to hear his friends sorrow, because it was.

"That you guys would reject me." His voice was barley a whisper, speaking for the first time the fear that had plagued him since he was six years old. "Who wants a friend that's scared, emotionally and physically?"

"Logan," Kendall grabbed his shoulders and looked him straight in his chocolate brown eyes filled with more heartbreak than anyone should have to deal with. "None of us could ever reject you or hate you. We've all known you since you were six years old. Whatever happened before that doesn't matter and doesn't define you. You're still that same Logan. It doesn't change anything."

"Of coarse it changes things! You're already treating me differently. You've got this look in your eyes that just sickening, like I'm some puppy who's been kicked and you want to fix it! You can't fix this Kendall! No one can fix it! All we can do is put it behind us and swear not to think about it ever again. That's how you deal with it. That's how I deal with it."

"You wanna honestly tell me that works?"

"It doesn't have to work all the time!" Logan cried, desperation in his voice. "It just has to get you through the day!"

"Logan, you're not dealing with this? Let me help you! Let me, Carlos and James help! We're your best friends! We would do anything for you."

"How do I know you won't leave?" He jumped up from the bed and began pacing back and forth. His hands went to his hair pulling at the strands in desperation. "No one wants me; no one has ever wanted me! It makes no sense that you should!"

"You're being crazy." Kendall said, blown away by Logan's behavior. He was usually so calm and collected, but this Logan wasn't the Logan he knew. This Logan was uncertain and depressed. "What about your parents? They want you. They saved you, you said it yourself! People want to Logan! I want you! Carlos wants you! James wants you!" He needed Logan to see, to understand. He couldn't let his friend think they didn't care, because they did care, cared more than anything else in the entire world. "We'd all be nothing without you! Hell, we'd all probably be in jail! We need you Logan. You balance everyone out."

When Logan did nothing to indicate he heard, Kendall spoke again. "Logan, please sit down your scaring me."

With a defeated sigh Logan sat back down, burying his face in his hands and shaking wildy, which scared Kendall even more than the rage.

"It's all my fault." It was barley above a whisper, but Kendall heard and his jaw dropped.

"It is defiantly not! You never did anything wrong!"

"If I would have behaved better, If I would have- If I would have just- I could have..." but the rest of the words were lost as sobs ripped through his chest and tears started to fall, shaking him even more violently than before.

Kendall had never seen Logan cry before. Not once. He was always their rock, the person they went to when they needed comfort and understanding. When Kendall's dad had died when he was eight Logan held him together, told him it was ok to cry and let his emotions out. This was Kendall's chance to repay Logan for all he had ever done to him, by given him the small comfort that he cared. So why couldn't he move?

Kendall knew how to deal with the simple things. He could get them out of almost any situation (granted he was the one who had gotten them into the situation in the first place), but this was out of his knowledge. All he could do was sit and watch his friends fall apart. His mask gone, emotions raw and bleeding.

Doing the only thing he could think of he pulled Logan against him for a second time. Trying to convey all of the things that Logan needed to feel. Wanting. Friendship. Love. Comfort.

A part of Logan seemed to break and suddenly he wasn't trying to hold back the pain. For the first time in ten years he was allowing himself to feel. It was fire in his chest, the flames licking his heart and lungs. All his insecurities jumping around in his head.

But Kendall was still there. He wasn't running away from him like he contained some highly infectious disease. He was trying to comfort him, telling him he would always be there. The flames seemed to dim slightly at the thought.

Then Kendall felt Logan go rigid in his arms and slowly pulled away to look him in the eyes. They were empty and looked as if Logan was miles away. "Logan." He said trying to get the small boys attention. "Logan come on." He said again when Logan did nothing to respond. "Logan! Logan, this isn't funny!"

He was growing hysterical as Logan continued to stare blankly off into space. He shook him lightly, fighting back his own tears. "Logan! Wake up!... Logan!"

**In my opinion this is the most emotional chapter so far, but what do I know! =) REVIEW PLEASE! If you do I will give you a virtual cookie! They are virtually delicious! Wow that was cheesy. LOVE YOU ALL!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this took so long to update, but this has officially been the worst week ever. It's just crazy. I didn't read this over so there are probably mistakes and what not. Review please? It might make me feel a small bit better.**

If you were to normally look at Logan Mitchell you'd think the worst thing that had ever happened to him was losing at Mortal Kombat, but looking at him now even a complete stranger could tell that something wasn't right. So you better believe Carlos and James were worried silly when they came up to the apartment to see Logan sitting on the couch, gaze straight ahead and lifeless while Kendall paced frantically in front of him.

"What's going on?" James said, drinking in the odd scene.

"He just stopped! He was yelling and sobbing and then he just stopped! And now I can't get him to talk to me!" Kendall was frantic, his voice shaking.

"What are you talking about?" It was Carlos's turn to speak "Kendall what's going on?"

"It's like he doesn't even know I'm here! He's like-like-"

"KENDALL!" James and Carlos screamed at the same time, finally getting him to stop ranting.

"We need you to explain what's going on." James said, keeping his voice calm as to not cause Kendall to panic more.

"It doesn't matter what happened! All that matters is making Logan ok again!" Kendall fell to his knees in front of Logan and took his shoulders, shaking them slightly, but still Logan made no move to acknowledge his friends. "Come on Logan, please! We want you! We need you! Please!" his voice was desperate and pleading, pulling at straws to get Logan to hear him.

Kendall's reactions were scaring James and Carlos more than Logan's catatonic state. Still highly confused they rushed to Kendall's side helping to revive Logan, but he couldn't hear them.

Although his body was firmly situated on the couch of apartment 2J his mind was somewhere else entirely, grappling with hope and doubt.

He wanted to believe more than anything that his friends really cared and wouldn't leave, but every time the thought entered his mind another stronger voice shot it down, telling him to look at his record. His parents gave him away, none of the foster homes wanted him, he had been bounced around from house to house faster than he could count. Then his foster dad had hit him, scarred him so badly both inside and out that he could still feel the lashes bleeding, the warm blood oozing down his back like a waterfall.

Why was it so hard to believe that someone could want him? His parents wanted him didn't they? Not his biological parents, his REAL parents, the ones who had raised him, who had helped him. They had adopted him, had saved him, but did they really truly want him or were they so desperate for a child that anyone would do, even if that child had major issues. Were they in love with him or the idea of being parents?

And his friends, Kendall, Carlos, and James. How he had been able to find such wonderful people to call friends he didn't know. It was too good to be true, and for Logan it always was. Every once in a while he would see this look in there eyes. Like they wondered why they hang out with him in the first place.

Maybe he was just terrible at reading people. Maybe that look meant something different. Something positive. But did he dare dream or hope for such a thing? The last time he had desperately hoped someone would take him in he had ended up with scars on his back. It was a sure way to set yourself up to get broken. But he was already in to far not to come out broken if they left. He loved his parents, loved his friends. It was them reciprocating these feelings that scared him, because there was no way he could be loved, be wanted. He had convinced himself of that when he was six.

Was there a small chance that he had been lying to himself? A chance that maybe he could be wanted? It was an unknown concept to him,. A voice in his head was telling him, begging him to believe it. That his friends and parents did love him.

"Logan!" A far off voice called out to him, growing louder and more panicked with each passing moment. "Come on Logan! Please, just say you can hear us!"

Suddenly he blinked and he was aware of his surroundings. Kendall, James, and Carlos were huddled around him, James and Carlos looked as confused as they did nervous and Kendall's face was ghostly white.

"What happened?" Logan said thinking back. The last thing he could remember was sitting on Kendall's bed. The memory was painful in of itself and he internally flinched at it.

"You couldn't hear us." Kendall said, still nervous and tense "You just- just froze up. I've been trying to get you to move for the past 20 minutes and nothing."

Logan was shocked at the time lapse. It ha seemed like five minutes top had passed.

Then he finally consciously registered that he and Kendall were not alone. James and Carols were now looking from him to Kendall completely and utterly dumbfounded. As if on cue James spoke.

"Ok someone has to explain what's going on!"

Logan closed his eyes to breath for a moment. He didn't think he had the emotional capacity to tell it again, even if he knew somewhere in his mind that his friends deserved to know.

When he opened his eyes he met Kendall's gaze and saw the understand in them when he opened his mouth. "I can't do it again."

"Do what again?" Carlos asked, getting a little angry. "Logan, what is happening? What's wrong? Why won't you tell us?"

"Carlos!" Kendall said, immediately coming to Logan's defense."Just chill out ok?" He looked back to Logan. "You want me to tell them?"

Logan nodded, not able to say the word and Kendall motioned for James and Carlos to take a seat on the couch. "I can't here it." Logan said simply, standing up and walking toward his and Kendall's room.

"We'll be in soon." Kendall called before he could shut the door. He nodded again and the door shut smooth

Kendall focused his attention on his other best friends, who were waiting expectantly on th couch.

He let out a deep sigh before starting. "We were right all along. Logan was hiding something from us."

**Again sorry for the long time no update**. **Would anybody be interested in a sequel? I know this isn't over yet but in light of recent events I've needed an outlet so I started one. Please review. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Omg chapter 7! We're coming near an end here people. After this we got one chapter left. It saddens me and yet I have many more things I am working on! I spent 2 hours last night outlining and taking notes on a plot bunny that is going to be REALLY long. Like the longest thing I've ever written. And I've already started on the sequel for this. God I need a life. Can you tell? Anyways here is chapter 7! Sorry for any mistakes. I'm lazy. **

"I can't believe this."

James and Carlos were petrified, not able to move, hardly able to breathe. With the news fresh in their minds all they could do was sit and stare at each other.

"And then he started screaming that he could never be wanted and it was all his fault."

"How the hell did he work that out?" Carlos said while James just sat, still shell shocked.

"I don't know." Kendall shook his head. Just a few hours ago everything had been fine. They had all been playing down at the pool, not a care in the world. Now everything was painful and confusing because Logan never deserved any of what happened to him.

No five-year old should ever have to suffer like Logan had. Hell, no one should ever have to suffer like that. It was unfair, plain and simple.

"Then he just froze and I couldn't get him to talk to me. I moved him to the living room to try and get a response, but nothing. Then you guys walked in and you know what happens next . . . " Kendall left out the part about Logan's breakdown, figuring he wouldn't want everyone to know about that.

"But he never told us." Carlos shook his head as if he could eject the information from his head. "Why did he never tell us?"

"I don't know." Kendall said again, feeling like a broken record, but there was so much they didn't know, so much they didn't understand. No one ever taught you what to do when your best friend reveals he was abused as a child. "I'm sorry" seemed stupid and cliche, and those words wouldn't fi anything, they couldn't mend his heart back together.

Kendall was lost. He couldn't make it better or protect Logan. Every muscle in his being was screaming at him to do something, anything to help, bu his mind was blank. No brilliant plans came to life. He felt worthless.

"We have to go talk to him." James stood, talking for the first time since Kendall had started talking. Carlos and Kendall nodded and also stood, following James to the door on the other side of the room. He knocked tentatively, hand shaking. When there was no response he knocked again, more frantic this time, fear growing inside of him. "Logan." He called out, nearly chocking on the fear.

Kendall took charge, reaching out and grabbing the door knob, twisting it sharply and throwing it open.

Logan was sitting in the corner with his forehead on his knees, shaking with silent sobs. He didn't bother to look u when his friends came hurrying over trying in vain to comfort him. They probably hated him for keeping such a big secret anyways.

He had failed them as a friend. Too insecure to let them in. Too afraid that they would leave. And in all reality the thing he had needed to do most was tell them. It wasn't wise to keep things this big bottled up. Numbing the pain for awhile only made it worse when you finally felt it, and Logan felt like his insides were on fire. White-hot knives were piercing his skin, making it difficult to form rational thoughts. This was what he had avoided and feared.

When he was first taken from the hell house he had panic attacks constantly. Every time someone would touch him he would freak out It scared off so many people that when he was adopted he told himself that it had to end. His new parents would take him back if he broke down every time they tried to hug him. So he buried it away, hadn't had a panic attack in ten years. He forgot how horrible they were.

Hands were rubbing his back in soothing circles and voices were soft, with an edge of hysteria, trying to calm him down. But hey weren't leaving, and that gave him the unbearable hope that they wouldn't leave. But then there was that voice in his head, telling him there was nothing about him that was appealing or pulling them to stay. He was a broken boy with scars on his back, a permanent everyday reminder of the past he would give anything to forget.

So he sat and allowed himself to cry, a thing he never permitted himself to do. He couldn't even bring himself to care that his friends were witness to it, because everything was laid on out the table, and what was a few more strikes against him?

They all sat there holding on to each other, lost in thoughts and problems to big for sixteen year olds to handle. All of them wondered why. Why did Logan have to be put through this? What did he ever do to deserve torture?

But maybe they would never know, never find out because maybe there wasn't a reason. Maybe it didn't have a logical answer or rational explanation. It had just happened and now they had to deal with it.

What was killing James the most was the fact that they hadn't acted sooner. They knew Logan had something wrong with him that he was hiding, they hadn't bought the excuse he dished out, and yet they had done nothing. They hadn't seen how bad he was hurting. They were his best friends and they had sat day after day and dumped their problems on him (because Logan, without a doubt, was the best listener of the group.). They should have gotten him to open up more, had him talk about his past. For none of them had ever asked him about what happened before the adoption. They had been scared Logan wouldn't respond or they would drag up bad memories. Never had James imagined it would be something like this. He thought at worst Logan's parents had abandoned him, but this reality was sick and perverse and just not right.

What was out of balance in the world? Why did people hurt other people, especially a little five year old kid with no way of defending himself? Again James knew there would probably never be a rational answer.

But didn't Logan deserve an answer? He had been violated. He deserved to know why. James knew the answer wouldn't come, and that's what hurt the most.

It was Carlos who finally spoke, trying to hold back his own tears. "It's not your fault Logan. It could never be your fault." This caused Logan to cry even harder, burying his face in James's shoulder, who had his arms around Logan/ "why didn't you tell us?" Carlos whispered almost afraid of the answer, the idea that Logan didn't trust them hurt Carlos more than he would ever admit.

"What would you have done?" Logan said, voice crackly and rough, a side effect of the tears that were still pouring down his face. He raised a hand to attempt and wipe them away. ":I was six and scared that no one would want to play with me. I had just gotten out of the hospital a few weeks before and my parents kept having to take me to a psychologist because I wouldn't talk to anyone. How do you bring that up? 'Hey, wanna go play legos with me? By they way my abusive foster dad whipped me with cables and the scars on my back will probably never fade away.'" He took a deep breath and sniffed, desperate for them to understand that he didn't have a choice in telling them because he had let the fear control him. "I wanted to put it behind me, forget it happened. And then we grew up and I had to make excuses for everything and I was scared you guys would hate me because I hadn't told you. And- and if I didn't talk about it I could pretend it never happened."

"You can't do this to yourself." James said. "You can't keep all that emotion inside. You'll explode."

"You can always talk to us, about anything. Don't hide anymore." Carlos reached out and took Logan's hand, squeezing it to show they weren't going anywhere.

Kendall spoke up, also reaching a hand out to take one of Logan's/ "We could never hate you Logan. You're our best friend. We'll stand by you."

Then they were caught up in a four way hug. Logan felt everything he ever wanted. The anxiety and grief dripped away and everything seemed like it would be ok. He felt safe. He felt happy, but most of all he felt loved.

**Awwww. Logan is moving along quite nicely. Thanks for reading a please review! It would make me ever so happy! =D**


	8. Chapter 8

**So this would have been up yesterday but my little brother (who just turned 7) came into my room with two plastic hockey sticks and said "Hey Mercedez, I got these and I thought that maybe we could play hockey like Big Time Rush!" How could I pass up an offer like that? Just for the record I totally won both games because I am the champion! lol But this is the last chapter and sorry it's not very long :( but I have alot of stuff that I could have said that I'm saving for the sequel! Enjoy this and pretty please review! =D**

Whoever said "time heals everything" was an idiot. As much as the boys wanted to say nothing was different they couldn't. It would be a lie, because things had defiantly changed.

They were more open with each other. Logan got the courage to tell them all about his past. None of the other homes he could remember were nearly as horrible as his final one, but it had hardly been a pleasant experience either, shuffled from house to house, nothing to call his own except a trash bag full of clothes he dragged between houses. The talks helped Logan get more in touch with his emotions, let him vent so he didn't end up exploding. He began to see that his friends and parents did want him.

But it also meant more tears, more heart breaks, more burdens on his friends that he hated himself for placing. The truth was a beautiful and terrible thing. The truth allowed Logan to be free for the first time in ten years. He didn't spend every minute worrying about someone would finding out about his secret. He could relax because there was nothing to hide anymore. But he was also contaminating his friends spirits, making them depressed, sad, spreading like a malignant tumor intent on poisoning everything in sight. They always said they didn't mind, that they wanted to do this for him, but Logan found himself apologizing about it constantly, beating himself up about it. He beat himself up about a lot of things.

Time passes though, even when it seems impossible. We try not to let the anguish consume us, but battle on instead. Logan had never tried harder than anything to be happy with his friends. Of coarse he was always happy when he was with them, but now he wasn't burdened with a secret to big for him. He didn't have to be strong through everything. Logan realized there were some situations that you could stand up and let it hit you, but where you must brace yourself for the attack with a shield and armor. His friends were his armor. They were what shielded him from the reminders and difficulties of everyday life.

He still found it hard to open up, just because he was doing it more didn't make it any easier. He was terrified to let people to close, so he ended up shutting a lot of people out. The world wasn't as understanding or sympathetic as his friends, so he didn't flaunt his story, didn't become a poster child for child abuse. No one knew about it except his parents and friends. Logan liked it best that way. He had always been more of a suffer in silence type, too much attention just complicated things.

The nightmares still kept Logan up at night, but now he could go to his friends and tell them about it. Countless night would go by consisting of all four boys around Logan's bed just talking after Logan had woken up in a cold sweat, thanking god the dream wasn't real, because he could have sworn he was down in that basement again, begging for him to just stop, but every time Logan woke up his friends were right there comforting him. Plus, it was no use to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

Maybe one day he would be able put it all behind him, but as much as Logan wanted to believe that he knew that an experience like his didn't go away, didn't leave him. He could forget about it for a few care-free hours spent with Carlos, James, and Kendall, but then as if on cue it would pop up again. He could be laughing and happy, but it was always in the back of his mind, influencing his decisions, spreading fear and uncertainty, making him second guess every decision he ever made.

Despite how good things were going, Logan knew he was never going to be ok, He would always be carrying a weight too heavy for him around on his back. Crushing him when he grew to tried to keep the charade up. His friends would try and lessen the load, but sometimes no matter how hard you try, the scars just won't fade away.

**So yeah, that's the end! I knew from the moment I started this story that this was how it was going to end. I feel like my other BTR stories have ended with promises of everything being ok and them going back to normal, but I genuinly don't think Logan could ever be 100% fine after what he went through. So that's why it's so angsty! *END RANT* **

**I'm gonna miss this story! But I got the sequel so I won't be missing it that much yet! Speaking of the sequel it will be up (at the absolute earliest) about the 14th, maybe. I'm seeing Spring Awakening on the 12th and want to actually see it before I post the sequel in case I want to change somethings. =) Love you all! Everyone who has read, reviewed, or added this to favorite/alerts you ROCK! Don't ever change! **


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